


"I Love You, Lou"

by 1dblewupmyovaries



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Niall doesn't show up much, Oops, Suicide, You might cry, larry stylinson - Freeform, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1dblewupmyovaries/pseuds/1dblewupmyovaries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, Haz!” El said, addressing Harry with the nickname Lou had given him. Bitch, don’t you dare call me that, he wanted to say. But he didn’t. He had to play nice for his best friend.<br/>So instead, he excused himself, saying he was starting for get a migraine and needed to sleep it off. Zayn shot him a knowing look as he walked past towards his bedroom. But no one came to check on him.<br/>That was the first night Harry cut himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I Love You, Lou"

Harry sat on the bathroom floor, only slightly aware of the coldness pressed against his thighs. The tears fell freely, having given up on holding them in hours ago. His heart couldn’t handle anymore damage. It was shattered; a billion little pieces floating in his gut. He leaned over and emptied his stomach again, his throat burning from the bile and acid. The dry heaves only brought more salty tears to his already puffy eyes. 

He sat back once he was finished, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. And with that, he collapsed onto the floor, curled up in a ball. He shut his eyes, squeezing until stars popped up. His attempts to block out all emotions and thoughts weren’t successful. So he just laid there, the hot drops of liquid leaving stains on his pale face. He cried until he fell into a restless sleep, his dreams full of his secrets and fears.

—————————————————————

“Harry, I’d like you to meet Eleanor.”

Harry just stared at the girl, who stood there awkwardly with an outstretched hand. After a few moments, she lowered her hand and brushed it on her skirt, looking up at Louis with confusion.

“Uh, hi. I’m Harry…” he mumbled finally. 

“I know,” she said softly, a small smile on her face. Lou stood there, confused and a little concerned by the behavior of his best mate. Sure, he was a shy lad, but this, this was different. Something was wrong with the younger boy. He’d figure it out later. Right now, he had a date with Eleanor. 

“Right, well, our dinner reservations are in a half hour at The Ivy, so we’ll be leaving now. Make sure to turn off the stove when you’re finished cooking yourself dinner again. Don’t want you almost burning down the complex again!” Lou called out to Harry as he ushered a giddy Eleanor out of the door. 

Harry felt his heart jump into his throat, chocking his airways and making it hard for him to breathe. He backed up a few steps and fell onto the couch when his knees hit it. He knew he was being irrational, but the bitterness and anger he felt rising in him suppressed his rational thinking. He was taking her to their place. Their place. not Louis and Eleanor’s place; Harry and Louis’ place. The hot tears stung his eyes and were threatening to pour out as he tried to remember how to breathe properly. 

The muffled sound of his phone ringing in his back pocket brought him back to reality. Without checking the caller ID, he answered it. 

“H-hello,” he chocked out, coughing a couple times to get rid of the husky edge his voice had taken on.

“Hey, mate. I noticed Lou leaving the flat and was wondering if I could come over and keep you company? Neither Liam or Niall want anything to do with me today. Their probably having butt sex or something,” Zayn’s cheery voice only made Harry more angry, if that was possibly. He didn’t know why. Maybe just for the fact that Zayn wasn’t miserable, and he despised him for that. Why wasn’t everyone suffering like he was? 

“Uh, yeah, I guess…” Harry mumbled into the receiver.

“Sveet!” Zayn replied in his ‘vas happening’ accent before ending the call. Harry groaned and threw the phone across the couch. All he wanted was to suffer in silence and mope around, but with Zayn over, he’d have to put on a facade for his friend. No one could know he was in love with Lou. It would ruin everything; the band, the friendships, everything. 

A few minutes later, Zayn was waltzing into the flat, a bag of junk food dangling off of one arm and some action movies in his other hand. Harry tried to smile and joke lightly with his friend, but his effort was hopeless. His bandmate knew something was off. 

“Alright, what’s going on,” He asked the younger boy, concern falling upon his face.

“It’s nothing!” Harry replied quickly. A little too quickly. One look at Zayn and he knew he had to tell him. He owed it to himself and Zayn. He trusted the older lad with his life. So that night, Harry finally admitted his deepest, darkest secret to his friend, who in return, offered a shoulder to cry on, and promised to keep the secret that could destroy everything. 

—————————————————————

Six months into the relationship, and things were going better than ever. Louis and Eleanor were continuing to grow closer and more in love, as Harry sat back and watched, growing weaker and more miserable with each passing day. As promised, Zayn hadn’t mentioned a word to the others about that night, and Harry was ever so grateful. Lou was as oblivious as ever, taking Harry’s distance as a phase that Harry would soon outgrow. 

It was a typical Friday night, and all the boys were down at Harry and Lou’s for movie night. They were all gathered around the coffee table, arguing lightly over which movie they were going to watch.

“The Notebook!” Lou shouted, for the third time.

“You know I can’t stand that movie!” Zayn retaliated.

“You’re the only one, mate,” Niall giggled from his place on Liam’s lap. The two had been ‘together’ for quite a few months now, in secret of course. But whenever they were in the comfort of their own home, or in this case, Harry and Lou’s, they were no stranger to PDA. It disgusted Harry to no end. Not the fact that they were together; just the fact that they had each other. He longed for Lou to look at him the way Niall looked at Liam. He craved for the type of kisses and touches Liam showered Niall with. He wanted Louis to love him. That’s all he wanted. 

“Just pick a god damn movie!” Liam shouted, laughing at the bickering boys. 

They finally agreed on 21 Jump Street, having come to the realization that there weren’t enough boxes of tissue paper to be able to watch a chick flick.

Just as the opening credits began to play and they all got comfortable on the sofas, there was a knock on the door. Lou quickly got up and went to answer it, with a small smile on his face. Harry watched as he pulled the door open and embraced a smiling Eleanor. What was she doing here?! His gut clenched when he saw the two lock lips and share a long, passionate kiss. Oh how he needed those lips to be pressed against his. 

The two broke apart, and with matching grins, walked hand in hand to the living room and sat on the armchair together. 

“Hey, Haz!” El said, addressing Harry with the nickname Lou had given him. Bitch, don’t you dare call me that, he wanted to say. But he didn’t. He had to play nice for his best friend. 

So instead, he excused himself, saying he was starting for get a migraine and needed to sleep it off. Zayn shot him a knowing look as he walked past towards his bedroom. But no one came to check on him. 

That was the first night Harry cut himself. 

—————————————————————

“You’re - what?!” Harry screeched, backing away from Louis. Lou took his responce as happiness instead of horror, and continued to grin ear from ear. 

“Yeah! I’m gonna do it tonight! I’m taking her to The Ivy. Ya know, since it’s our special place and all. Do you think she’ll like it? It’s not too big and gaudy, right? Oh god, what if it’s too small?! I hope she’ll say yes! It’ll be embarrassing if she doesn’t and -” Harry felt his whole world fall apart as he stared at the small black box perched in Lou’s hands. There, sitting in that cushion, was Louis’ fate. That shiny, diamond ring, that ruined every small ounce of hope Harry held on to. Lou continued to talk about the plans he had for his future and the wedding. Harry couldn’t stand there and listen any longer. 

So he ran. He ran right out of the room and down the stairs; through the lobby and out the front door. He ran, not even caring if anyone noticed who he was. He ran until his heart was beating in his ears and his breath came in short gasps. He ran until he couldn’t anymore. And he fell. Fell to the hard pavement and sobbed. Sobbed for the future he’d never have with the love of his life.

—————————————————————

“Harry, mate, where are you?! The wedding starts in five minutes!” 

The sound of Liam’s voice blaring out of his phone caused him to groan and sit up a bit, looking around at his surroundings. He was lying on the bathroom floor, clad only in a pair of boxer briefs. Next to him was a razor, some blood crusted over the blade. He looked down and noticed the thin lines on his wrist, the angry red standing out against his pale skin. There was blood. Everywhere. He started to feel nauseous and dizzy, but he remembered Liam on the line, waiting for his response.

“Yeah, i’m heading there now. Tell Lou to stop worrying. I’ll be there. ” The lies slid easily off his tongue. He was amazed at how stable his voice was. Maybe because it knew these would be some of his last words. 

“Alright, Hazza. I’ll see you soon.”

“Hey, Liam?” Harry suddenly called out before the elder hung up. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you. All of you, okay?” 

“Uh… Are you alright? Is something going on?” Liam’s anxious tone made Harry’s stomach flip, and he almost considered rethinking his options. But that thought quickly faded away.

“Yeah, of course. Just wanted to remind you!” He reply, his voice cracking a bit. “I’ll see you in a few!” And with that, he hung up. 

The tears began to blur his vision as he picked up the blade again, and pressed it to his sore, marked up arm. 

“I’m so sorry….. I’m so sorry…. I’m so sorry….” he mumbled over and over again, with each slice of his wrist. The slits became more urgent and deeper, and soon, his vision started to slowly turn to black, as he sat in a pool of his black, warm blood. 

“I love you Louis….” he whispered to the cold tile floor, before everything faded to nothing…..

—————————————————————

By the time Liam was able to speed to the apartment complex, run up the three flights of stairs to the flat, and knock down the bathroom door, it was already too late. A cold, pale, lifeless Harry lie curled up in a ball, his eyes glossed over, and ‘I Love You Lou’ scratched into his arms over and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for writing this. Uh yeah.


End file.
